Identical
by Tee-Cup
Summary: Rachel receives some awful news whilst the rest of the team try to find the murderer of women who all look exactly like one of the members of the team... I own nothing except Rachel, Please R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Criminal Minds**

**Identical**

**I own nothing**

**Chapter 1 – Vanilla Ice-Cream**

Rachel collapsed onto the couch in her apartment in shorts and a t-shirt with her long blonde hair up and a tub of vanilla ice-cream resting on a cushion next to her. She enjoyed eating it straight out the tub, comfort food. Spencer was trying to clean up, she wasn't helping.

"Please could you just, help me?" he asked desperately.

She shook her head, shovelling another spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth.

"I don't do... Helping." She smiled at him. He plonked down next to her.

"Well then maybe you should." He said scornfully.

"Well that is not gonna happen." She replied just as scornfully.

Sensing a lost cause Spencer tried a new technique.

"Give me the ice-cream." He said making to grab it, but she was fast. She swiped it and jumped up guarding it.

"You are not having it! It's mine." She said defensively.

"I bought it!" he said, she thought for a second pursing her lips.

"It's still mine!" she said. He lunged towards the tub, but she ran. They chased each other around the apartment, until they wound up in the kitchen, by now the ice-cream was pretty melted. She realised she'd cornered herself; he grabbed her from behind and pulled her. She screamed and thinking he'd accidently hurt her he let go and accidently flung out his arm. It knocked the ice-cream tub which emptied all over Rachel.

She gasped in shock, holding out her arms to survey the damage; vanilla ice-cream was smeared all down her front, all over her arms, up her neck and even in her hair. It was everywhere. Spencer looked at her for a second before he burst into laughter. She however was unimpressed.

"I'm going to have a shower." She growled starting to storm towards the bathroom.

"The showers broken! The repair guy is coming later." Spencer attempted to compose himself but failed.

"Fine, I'll go have a shower at Amy's." She said slipping trainers onto her feet.

"Who's Amy?" he asked.

"That girl I tried to get you with at Christmas. Goodbye." She shouted storming out. Spencer continued to laugh as he cleaned up the ice-cream on the floor, but when his phone rang and it said 'B.A.U' he managed to compose himself.

"Hello?" he answered, he listened as he was told to meet at the office, and he told them he would inform Rachel. He couldn't get a hold of Rachel on her cell phone and so decided that he would call her when he got to the office. Hoping this case would be an easier one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two – Long Dark Hair with a Full Fringe**

Spencer entered the office and made straight for the conference room. When he got there he found the rest of the team bar Rachel sat looking surly.

"Hey guys, what's up?" He asked, taking his normal seat.

"We have a case in Vegas," JJ said without a lot of feeling.

"Ok," Spencer said slowly, determining that everyone else already knew all the details about the case.

"Eight women have been brutally murdered in their homes. But there's something about this..." she clicked the remote and the pictures of the dead women appeared on the screen. Spencer noticed it immediately, not the hair colour or style but all of them, looked exactly like Rachel. They all had the same facial construction as she did and the same bright green eyes. But they all had long, dark brown hair, with full fringes.

"They all look like Rachel." Spencer breathed, "But doesn't this mean that Rachel's in danger?" he began to panic.

"No, Reid listen," Morgan piped up, "They all might look a little like Rachel but they don't have the same hair colour or style, and that's a more likely M-O than just looking the same." Spencer realised this as well and calmed down. They all sat in silence for a moment, wondering what to do; they could take the case and give the families of these women closure. But they could also put Rachel in danger.

Just then Rachel entered noisily, exclaiming that she 'was sorry she was late, she went to the salon with her friend and didn't get the message until later,' They all gazed at her in dismay, Rachel had long, dark brown hair, with a full fringe.

She noticed them all looking as she stood behind them, "Do you like it?" she grinned. Then she noticed the women on the screen.

"I swear I recognize them from somewhere..." she said gazing at the screen and narrowing her eyes, she tilted her head slightly.

"Rachel, they look like you..." Morgan informed her and the confusion swept from her face.

"Oh..." there was a pause.

"We can't take the case." Hotch said suddenly, going to stand up.

"Why not?" Rachel objected, moving to stand before him.

"Because it will put you into danger."

"And? Look Hotch, eight women are dead and more are at risk. We can't not take the case." Rachel looked him hard in the eyes. He finally relented.

"Fine. We meet at the airstrip in twenty minutes." They all got up to leave, Rachel went first.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three – Headache**

Rachel didn't waste any time in preparing herself for what she knew Spencer was bringing. Every time they had ever been to Las Vegas Spencer had attempted to make Rachel go and visit their mother. Rachel did not want to.

She hadn't seen her mother in nineteen years, in some way she blamed her mother for what had happened to her as a child. She looked around at the people on the plane around her; she wished she could tell at least one of them what had happened in her childhood. The only people who knew were Hotch and Spencer. They were actually the only people in the world who knew apart from her and those families. Even her own mother didn't know that she'd returned into Spencer's life. She'd begged her brother not to tell her in his daily letters.

He sat beside her and she readied herself, there wasn't much she could do, the slight throbbing of a headache began to pulse in her brain. She wanted to sleep, to get rid of the slight throb.

"Please?" he said, he knew that she knew what he meant.

"No." She said simply. Not allowing him anymore.

"Please, at least consider it! Mom would welcome you back, I know she missed you all those years, I know that she always wanted her daughter back."

"Then she shouldn't have sent me away in the first place."

"Do you blame her?" Spencer asked suddenly.

"What do you...?"

"Do you blame her for what happened to you?"

"I, I don't know, maybe a bit."

"That's perfectly normal..." Spencer began on one of his genius psychology rants, Rachel's headache was just getting worse and worse by the second and all she wanted was some peace and quiet.

"Look," she said interrupting him, "If I say I'll think about it, will you leave me alone?"

"Sure, but why do you wanna be left alone? You usually love company."

"I have a headache, that's all. I just wanna get some rest before we start this case, Ok?"

"Sure," he said getting up and leaving. Rachel rested her head against the window and closed her eyes, watching the world below slip from underneath them like a blanket. Sleep overtook her and she woke up to being shaken gently by a concerned looking JJ. She felt groggy and horrible.

"You Ok?" JJ asked. Rachel nodded even though her head only seemed to have gotten worse, pain beating through her head like a drum, pulsing violently against her skull.

"We're discussing." JJ said softly, helping Rachel to her feet to join the others. Rachel flopped down casually next to her brother and they began.

"He's brutally murdered eight women, each of them have multiple bruising, slit throats, gunshot wounds in both legs and six stabs each in their stomachs." Hotch read aloud from the case file.

"So he shoots them in the legs to keep them down, beats them, stabs them and slits their throats to finish them off?" Morgan said.

"Yes, that would be the logical explanation." Hotch replied.

"Massive overkill suggesting that he's a sadist, he finds pleasure in what he does, in how he kills." Spencer said in his smart person voice.

"Which means...?" JJ began.

"There might be more victims we don't know about, also this is stuff that is very dedicated, he might be leading up to a big finale."

"He most likely is, he's probably letting out his anger on women who look like the person he wants to kill most, and then he'll kill that person." Morgan added.

"Do you think that if he kills that person he'll stop killing?" JJ asked, hope in her voice.

"No, he's a meticulous organized, incredibly sadistic person, he won't stop killing until we find him." Hotch said quietly. Everyone's eyes were on Rachel. "I'm still worried that we shouldn't be taking this case."

Rachel decided it was time to put a bit of her old self into it.

"I know that everyone has to constantly worry about me on account of how amazingly beautiful I am," they all smiled at her, even Hotch, they knew she was joking, she was never that vain, "but really, I'll be fine, please... Don't worry about me."

"Really, 'cause you don't look fine," Spencer began, "You're all pale and washed out yet you look slightly grey and your eyes are all hollow and you look really ill and..."

"Reid." Everyone except Rachel warned in unison and he shut up. Rachel forced a little smile but in her head, her brain felt like it was about to explode from the pressure created by this one, continuing, headache.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four – Swimming in Darkness**

When they entered the police station they were met with the usual probing, expecting sights. Hotch lead followed by JJ, Morgan, Reid and Rachel. Rachel held a hand to her forehead, the lights were bright in the station and it was making her feel worse, she took out her sunglasses and slipped them on. She felt slightly better but her head was still thumping like a drumbeat in the dusk.

JJ began to introduce them all and Hotch glanced over at Rachel as her name was said, she usually made herself known to be the most good-natured by making a witty comment or joke but this time she just waved and gave a slight smile from behind her sunglasses. Hotch took her to one side whilst JJ continued to talk to the head sheriff.

"Rachel," Hotch began, there was no easy way to deal with this, "Are you hung over?"

There was a pause, Rachel thought back, she couldn't actually remember the last time she'd drunk alcohol.

"No!" she said defensively.

"Then why the sunglasses?" he said pointing to them.

"It's bright in here." She said curtly.

"Is this one of your little jokes because eight women who look exactly like you are dead and I don't really think this is the time for joking around?"

"I am not joking around! It is genuinely bright in here and it was hurting my eyes!" she hissed, anger building up by the second, "And as for alcohol, I haven't actually had any alcohol in months! How dare you think I would be so stupid as to drink when I have to work the next day! I may still be a kid in your eyes, but that's just you, I am not a kid anymore! And I'm certainly not stupid." Rachel regretted opening her mouth. She'd allowed it to speak of its own accord and now Hotch was looking hurt and angry.

"I do not think you're stupid or regard you as any different from the rest of the team... But if you ever dare talk to me that way again then I will have no choice but to let you go..."

"Is everything all right here?" Spencer had wandered over. Rachel gave Hotch a hard stare before stalking past Spencer over to the rest of the team.

"Fine." She growled. Anger making her head burns more intensely, the heat of the office plus her anger making her flustered, her head burning, pounding raging as if it was on fire.

Then a phone rang and the police chief picked it up, he put it on speaker. Hotch and Spencer joined the rest of them.

"Hello," someone on the other end wheezed, "I killed those eight women." Morgan was on the phone to Garcia in a heartbeat.

"Garcia," he said urgently into his cell phone, "Track the number."

"And now I have a little boy... His name is William..." the wheezy voice continued. A female police officer came over to them holding a photo of a boy of about ten; he had curly brown hair, with a full fringe.

Rachel took a couple of deep breaths; this made it a case where she would need to be absolutely on her ball. This was now her case. She needed to add that name to her wall. She looked up and for a moment saw William stood in the doorway, he was holding a teddy and held his hand out to her.

"Please, help me." He said, his ghostly voice echoing around the police station yet no one else saw him, the rest of the station was silent in Rachel's ears, all she could see, and all she could hear was this lost little boy. Then she blinked and he was gone, all the normal sounds of phones ringing and urgent chatter returning. She gasped and pushed herself away from the rest of the group. She pulled off her sunglasses and staggered over towards the wall; she could feel herself falling but didn't quite register it. The pain throbbing in her head causing it to swim, everything was going out of focus; she tried to reach out for the wall but missed. Just before she hit the floor she felt arms around her, lowering her down gently. She looked up, all she could see was white, the ceiling? Or the clouds? Then before her head resigned to swimming in the darkness she saw something she loved, Hotch's face looming above her own.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Hotch watched as Rachel stared at the doorway, there was nothing there, why was she so of focus this case? Why was she acting so strangely? She was never usually that rude, she usually cringed at even the thought of being alone with him.

When she detached herself from the others he followed cautiously, making sure she was ok, she was pale, paler than usual, she removed her glasses and her eyes were hollow, she looked sick. Terribly sick, she seemed to be struggling for air, her hand clamped to her forehead. She reached for the wall but slipped and Hotch broke into a run, he caught her before she hit the floor and watched as she flickered in and out of consciousness for a few moments before settling into unconscious.

By now people had begun to realise what was going on, Spencer and Morgan rushed over to help and JJ and the police chief tried to keep people from trying to get a look at what was going on. Morgan, who already had his phone out, dialled for an ambulance and Spencer turned her head this way and that.

"She doesn't look like herself..." he said quietly. Hotch admired the way he was being a doctor for his sister instead of a brother. She needed a doctor right now more than a brother.

The ambulance arrived and she was strapped in, Hotch and Reid climbed in with her, Hotch instructed the others to keep working on the case. Halfway to the hospital Rachel's eyes flickered open, she still looked completely washed out and both Hotch and Spencer were so unused to seeing her look so helpless, just lying on the gurney, her hair spread out in tangles around her, her lips as pale as her face.

"What, did I do now?" she said, automatically blaming her yet also trying to make it light-hearted at the same time.

"You passed out." Reid said gently.

Rachel thought back to the last thing she remembered and all that seemed to consume her memory was that awful headache, it was now gone. A peaceful bliss washed over her mind knowing that the pain was gone; she felt she needed to tell someone.

"Headaches." She said simply, Hotch and Reid looked confused. "I've been getting really bad headaches, they've been getting worse and worse until I, passed out. And just before, in the doorway, I thought I saw the little boy, William. It must have been a hallucination..." Hotch fixed his worried gaze at Rachel but Reid looked to the paramedic for answers.

"When we get to the hospital we'll do some checks and MRI." The paramedic smiled softly. Reid smiled his thanks and returned his attention to his sister. Her eyes closed again and Reid took her hand, Hotch told her to rest and she nodded her head slightly before slipping into another sleep. She looked so small so fragile, she couldn't be his sister Reid thought. This tiny person could not be Rachel.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – A Mutual Hate... Of Hospitals**

Hotch and Spencer were made to wait outside whilst Rachel went in for her tests. Spencer was worried of course he was, but he seemed to be constantly worried about Rachel and she was always fine, she probably would be this time. She probably just got hot. Hotch was worried too, he always had a soft spot for Rachel, she was lively and always brought smiles to people's faces. Jack almost constantly asked when he was next going to see her and now thinking about Jack and Rachel together Hotch allowed his mind to think back to last Christmas, it had been funny at the time, but now it brought even a slight blush to his cheeks.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

It was a nice Christmas Eve; Aaron was snuggled up with son on the couch watching some Christmas movie that Jack had chosen. When it finished Aaron knew he had to get his son to bed if he wanted to get the presents under the tree and get some sleep himself. The clock struck nine and he was having trouble.

Jack refused to go to bed until Rachel came over to tuck him in, Aaron said that Rachel couldn't come, she was with her own family but Jack argued back that the only family she said she'd ever had was her brother and he was sure he wouldn't mind her coming to tuck him in. Aaron knew he was fighting a losing battle and so therefore called up Rachel. When she heard what Jack was demanding she laughed and agreed at once. She was over within five minutes and she put Jack to bed. Aaron offered her coffee but she declined, she said she needed to get back to her brother.

Neither of them had noticed Jack creeping out of bed with a hidden sprig of mistletoe. They were stood below the stairs and now he stood over them holding the mistletoe high above their heads.

"Kiss!" he squealed excitedly. Both the adults were completely lost for words; they pecked each other quickly and awkwardly on the cheek before Rachel began to walk back up the stairs to put him back to bed. "Nooo!" he squealed, giggling, "You have to kiss her properly daddy! On the lips!"

Aaron had no idea how to say no to his son, Rachel was stumped also but it was her who came up with a genius idea, "Hey, I bought you a present, I'm sure daddy wouldn't mind you opening one before you go to sleep?" Jack dropped the mistletoe and Rachel snatched it up and stuffed it in her pocket before scooping up Jack. Aaron fetched his present and all ideas of kissing and mistletoe was gone.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

It may have been awkward and embarrassing but thinking back Hotch still found it funny.

"Why do you care so much about Rachel?" Spencer asked suddenly, his voice was quiet.

"Well," Hotch said, "three reasons: One) I'm her boss, two) I'm her mentor, I believe that she needs guidance and I guess I've given her that and three) she's the youngest, I feel like I need to be responsible for her."

"She doesn't like to think that she's the youngest, it makes her feel less important..." Spencer said.

"Well then we need to let her know that, that isn't true." Hotch replied. Spencer nodded and they sat in silence until Rachel reappeared, she was with a doctor but she looked almost like her normal self. Her lips still didn't have any colour and she was still pale but she looked more like herself. She was smiling; she even had her old bounce in her step!

The doctor left her and she thanked him, she bounded up to Spencer and gave him a big hug, as Spencer hugged her back he still noticed how fragile she still felt. She detached herself from Spencer and turned to Hotch, she held out her hand for him to shake, he took it and smiled at her. She grinned back before pulling him into a hug. He also noticed how truly small she was.

"I'm sorry for thinking you were drunk..." he apologised.

"It's fine... Really let's just forget about it all and move on. How; s the case?" Rachel said turning straight back to business, now that she felt better she was going to give this case one hundred and ten percent.

"No progress so far, it might have changed since we left..." Spencer said, they began to leave and there was a slightly awkward silence.

"I really hate hospitals..." Rachel commented.

Hotch and Spencer replied in unison, "Me too."

As they left Rachel turned to glance back one more time, and there he was, William. Stood there, he reached out to her again and she felt a pang of pain in her head. 'Help me,' his voice echoed off the pristine white walls. His clothes ragged.

"I'm coming..." she whispered, but now she was just whispering to an empty corridor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Names Written In Blood**

As they walked into the police station Spencer noticed how some of Rachel's colour had come back. Hotch had tried to persuade her to go back to the hotel and rest but she really didn't want to. She wanted to get this case over and done with.

'Hey are you ok?' Morgan asked as they approached, when everyone realised the girl who'd collapsed had come back they all began to ask if she was alright. At least seven people came up to her in the first minute, she replied every time with 'I'm fine.' Each time looking more and more uncomfortable. The police chief came over and for a moment Rachel thought he was going to ask her but thankfully he diverted all their attention back to the case.

'Your tech girl managed to trace the call to a number, to a cell phone...' he said, 'She's calling it now.'

Spencer, Rachel and Hotch all went over to stand with the rest of the group. 'Hey,' came Garcia's voice from the little stand in the centre of the table, 'I have an address for you, and be careful.' She gave them the address and they all piled into a couple of cars before speeding away.

It was a shabby little house on the outskirts of the city, when Morgan had to kick the door in it flew off its hinges. Rachel gave him a look and he smiled in return, it was good to see her back to her old self. They searched the house and it was Spencer who found her. Another dead girl, looking exactly the same as Rachel once more.

'Hey guys,' he summoned them from the rest of the house. They all filed in, looking grim. She had the same injuries and as Rachel shone her torch onto the wall she saw a name written in blood. 'William.' She whispered as she read it. Suddenly she felt terribly sick. 'Excuse me,' she said pushing past Morgan to get out of the door.

She leant against the wall outside, the heat of the door causing her head to start pounding once more. She glanced up to see William apparently stood there, he spoke those same words to her, still echoing, he still looked so helpless.

'Where are you?' she whispered, she felt like crying, and she hated crying, he didn't reply, and 'where are you?' she shouted. Just then Morgan came out of the house and put his hand on her shoulder.

'Hey, you ok?' he asked, she nodded, glancing back to the spot where she had seen William. He looked at where she was looking and saw nothing.

'Just... I'm scared.' Rachel said simply, finally feeling that she needed to tell someone everything, what she was going through right now, her entire past. She wanted to tell someone, and she trusted Morgan. 'Can I tell you about my past? I need to tell someone because it might add up to why I'm so scared now...' Morgan nodded and Rachel began.

'When I was born my mother hated me, and so did my father, they only kept me because Spencer begged them too. When I was four they decided to send me to my grandparents in Seattle. But after six months both my grandparents died in a car crash. Over the course of ages five through fifteen I was sent to various care homes and families all over the country. Seriously I must have some kind of record for the amount of homes I went to. None of them were nice. Some were violent, some were unstable, some were... well I'm just gonna say that it really wasn't pleasant. I was verbally, physically and sexually abused my entire life. But I was still smart, and all the time where my life could have just fallen apart I kept with my study habits. By the time I was fifteen they asked if I wanted to help out at the child help unit with the FBI and by the time I was nineteen I had a doctorate in child psychology. When I joined the BAU and found out that Spencer was my brother I was so happy that finally I had some family that cared about me. But I guess my I blame my mom for what happened to me. If she'd never given me up then it would never have happened. And now, I've been getting these headaches, really awful, terrible headaches! And hallucinations, visions of the little boy, of William. And when I collapsed earlier, I just constantly feel so weak! Like, maybe I'm not supposed to be a part of this team...' she bowed her head.

'Look at me,' Morgan tilted her head back up to look him in the eyes, 'I know you, and I know you're not weak, how you got through your childhood proved that. Try going and meeting your mom, it might help to talk things over with her... You deserve to be here, you deserve to be happy. We will find him, and these hallucinations and headaches; they're probably just stress and tiredness. Don't worry.' They smiled at one another and the others came out.

'They found a print, in the blood.' Hotch informed them, 'Rachel, you look exactly like the other victims, would you be willing to stay in a safe house, there would always be undercover cops patrolling, see if we can lure him another way?'

'Of course.' Rachel said, she would do anything just to get this over and done with. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she held it to her ear.

'Hello?' she said, the doctor from the hospital was on the other end, he wanted to make an appointment for that night, and she agreed and hung up. Everyone was looking at her, 'Oh right, hospital.' She told them.

'Everything alright?' JJ asked.

'Never better.' Rachel smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – Undercover**

Rachel had never really been undercover before, she was nervous, she had the microphone pinned to her, but she was wearing clothes which she would never usually wear, it felt weird. It was somewhere she'd never been before, this house was actually quite big, it was posh, she didn't really like posh.

She sat on the plush sofa, just waiting, unsure of what was going to happen, she wanted the suspect to turn up, but at the same time she didn't want him to, because if he did she wasn't sure how it was going to go down. And they'd put her in a skirt, how was she supposed to defend herself in a skirt?

Her thoughts wandered to her hospital appointment, Hotch had told her not to leave the house, what if she missed it? She told herself to stop being so silly and to concentrate on the case, she looked at the clock, an hour until her appointment; she scolded herself as soon as she'd thought it. She sat, gazing into space, not really concentrating on anything, trying to blank out the pain, building up in her head by the second. Then there was a knock on the door. Now she was confused, there was no one to knock on the door...

She got up to answer it and as she edged the door open she saw someone she didn't recognize, she swung it wide, opening it.

"Hello?" she said, wondering if this might be the new patroller...

He didn't say anything, he was tall, he had long legs, and he had a short crop of jet black hair and dark eyes. For all intense and purposes he was handsome, probably Rachel's kinda guy. Maybe once this was over she'd ask him out to coffee. She allowed her eyes to glance behind him and something caught her eye.

The other patroller was lying on the pavement, unmoving, in a pool of blood. Rachel went through every swear word she knew in her head, where were the other patrollers, where was Hotch? She turned her attention back the man, he reached into his pocket and without even a word, pulled out a gun. There was a pause, and then Rachel turned and ran into the house, panic rising in her. She heard the shot and automatically ducked, she felt the bullet whistle above her head, almost touching her hair. She screamed in anger and fear.

She couldn't remember where she'd put her gun, she couldn't remember her way around the house, she couldn't remember anything, her mind was a blank, pictures were dancing in front of her eyes, swirls and dots and sparkles. She couldn't see, she was falling, and she was on the floor spinning her around. She found herself staring at the gun, the gun aimed at her head. She was going to die. She knew it would happen someday but she always hoped she might go in a slightly more glamorous way than this, this would be messy. She could see his finger on the trigger, she closed her eyes and turned her head, silently saying goodbye to everyone she loved in her head. She heard the shot and braced herself for death...

When the bullet never made impact she looked up to see what had happened, she was breathing heavily, she saw the man lying on the floor and then looked up farther and saw Hotch running over from the doorway. He'd saved her, she hadn't realised that she'd been crying until she stood up shakily and he handed her a tissue.

'Are you ok?' he asked as she accepted it, her hands shaking. She didn't want to talk; instead she just nodded and took deep breaths. He put his gun away and went to check the man, he was dead.

'I just, I froze up Hotch! I didn't know what to do I thought I was gonna die!' she said, her voice thick. At the mention of his name he looked up, the only time she ever called him Hotch instead of Mr. Hotchner was when she was scared. Properly scared.

'It's ok,' he said softly going to comfort her, he placed a hand on her upper arm, 'It's over now, you're here he's not. Would you like me to come to your hospital appointment with you? So you feel better?'

'Oh crap! I completely forgot about that, no I'll be fine, I just, and I have to go!' she rushed her goodbyes and ran out of there, her face burning with embarrassment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – The News Long Awaited**

Rachel was sat in the waiting room for about five minutes before her name was called. She entered the small office wishing she'd asked someone to come with her after all, her stomach was knotting together; butterflies seemed to be having a party in there. She wrapped her jacket around her concealing her slight shiver. She really hated hospitals.

"Miss Reid, please take a seat." The doctor was a middle aged nurse who probably wouldn't appreciate Rachel's humour and so she decided to keep her mouth clamped shut and drop into the seat that she was being gestured towards. "Now you're here concerning your MRI results?"

'No I'm just here to pass the time and have a friendly old chat!' Rachel thought but remained with her mouth shut, she nodded.

"I have them here," the nurse didn't look happy, this probably wasn't a good sign, "I'm afraid we have some bad news, there's a tumour in your brain. We asked surgery but the tumours in a very difficult place and you might not survive it. You have a choice, you can either take the surgery or not."

Rachel felt strange, she had never expected to be faced with the option of dying slowly or going into surgery and possibly never waking up. Either way, it was likely she was going to die. It was difficult to explain, she didn't feel upset or angry, and she felt empty. She was going to die. That was the end, she felt sick. Her stomach churning, her head hurting, her throat tight, But not sadness or anger. She shook her head slowly and licked her lips.

"I don't want the surgery. I'll take whatever medication you can give me, but I refuse surgery."

"We can give you some medication, and if there's a case of a near death situation then we'll have to ask your relatives if they want you to take the surgery."

"Thanks," the word slipped involuntarily from Rachel's mouth, unfortunately, it had come out as sarcastically as she had envisioned it in her head.

"Excuse me?" the nurse said, remaining polite although Rachel could feel her darker side emerging.

"You say 'near death situation' like it's bound to happen." Rachel got up and walked over to the door, the nurse stared after her in amazement, her mouth opening and closing like a goldfish but no words actually coming out, "I'll call my closest hospital and ask about medication." Rachel left, and didn't look back.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – A Mother's Meeting**

Rachel had surprised Spencer when she's arrived back at the hotel and told him she wanted to meet her mother. But he didn't object, he'd been trying to get her to meet her ever since they'd met. It still came as a shock.

Now they sat in the car in silence, for once Rachel hadn't insisted on driving, she sat looking out of the window, a gloomy look on her face. She looked ill again, her face was gaunt, and her eyes hollow, her hair limp. And she was so pale. Why did she look so unwell? It worried him. He wanted her to be better; he needed her to be better. She was his rock. She was always the one to make snappy remarks, to joke around. She was funny! She was Rachel, his sister.

They arrived at the Sanatorium and for the first time since he'd met her, Rachel seemed timid. Scared of something that couldn't physically hurt her. He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder as they walked and once again marvelled at how short she was, but also how bony her shoulder was. She said she hadn't grown since she was fifteen, she was probably right. 5"3.

He decided he needed to actually talk to her; he pulled her to one side just before they walked into the building.

'What's up? Firstly, why did you actually want to meet mom? And secondly, why are you so scared about it?' he asked quietly, he knew she wouldn't appreciate other people overhearing personal conversations.

'I don't really know. I feel weird. I wanna meet mom because I think that nearly getting shot gave me a different perspective on life, it's too short and I know that if I go on like this then I'll regret not meeting mom. And I'm scared about it because I haven't seen her in so long. I'm scared of how she'll react, whether she actually wants me in her life. It's just, so, complicated.' Rachel said, seeming slightly agitated.

Spencer understood how she felt, well he thought he did, but he wasn't the one who hadn't seen either of his parents for nineteen years, he wasn't the one who'd experienced what Rachel had experienced, but he told himself he did. He pulled Rachel into a hug to try and make her feel more confident about this meeting, 'Don't worry about it, you're gonna be ok, trust me when I say mom regrets giving you up, trust me as a behaviour profiler, I can tell...' he said into her ear, she had to stand on her tiptoes to hug him properly.

She was the one who pulled away, who broke the comforting embrace. She knew she needed to tell Spencer about the brain tumour, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it, not now, maybe not until she started to evidently die. Maybe she would go in her sleep and he'd never know that she knew. She knew she needed to tell him, but she didn't want to.

They walked in and were shown to where their mother was sat. In her normal seat by the window. Spencer walked ahead of Rachel, she hung back, nervous.

"Hey mom, how are you?' Spencer said softly crouching down beside her. And Rachel saw her mother, a torrent of emotions washed through her, she felt tears pricking the back of her eyes, her, she didn't even hear the conversation going on between Spencer and their mom until their mom said something that made Rachel smile, slightly awkwardly.

'Who's this? Is she your girlfriend?' Spencer laughed and so did Rachel; she felt a tear spill down her cheek.

'No mom,' Spencer said slowly. Rachel knew it was now or never, but the tears were coming thick and fast, she wasn't sure if she could do this. Luckily Spencer was there to help her, her reliable brother. 'Mom, this is Rachel,' they both noted a look of surprise on their mother's face. She also looked shocked.

'What as in...?' she didn't finish, but Spencer nodded. Rachel walked forward slowly, tears clouding her vision; here she was, possibly meeting her mother for the last time. Diana Reid stood up and looked her daughter up and down. Suddenly she pulled her into a hug; Rachel hugged her back, unashamed of the tears pouring down her cheeks, tears of a mixture of happiness and sadness. But both Spencer and Diana were unaware of why she was sad, they both presumed she was just happy.

They pulled apart and Spencer saw tears trickling down his mother's cheeks as well, 'I'm so sorry!' their mother said, 'I never really thought about what I was doing and how terrible it must have been, going from foster home to foster home! I just, I had to concentrate on Spencer, and he had such potential I couldn't lose that, now then, not ever! But now I realise how horrible it must have been for you, I never really thought, and now I feel so, so sorry!' their mother apologised profusely, but Rachel shook her head.

'I understand! I know, and Spencer is so special, I'm glad to have finally met you! And I'm sorry that I didn't before, I'm sorry too so I guess we're even. I'm sorry for blaming you...' she paused, 'I'm sorry mom.'

They hugged again, and finally, after all these years, Rachel forgave her mother.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – Homebound**

As Rachel sat in the car on the way to the airstrip she felt unhappy, she felt that it was unfair that she got to spend so little time with her mother when Spencer had got to spend to his whole life. And now they had to go back to Washington, Rachel knew that, that was probably the last time she'd ever get to see her mom.

And that brought on the thought of her tumour, she knew that she needed to tell Spencer about it, she knew that she really needed to tell everyone, but she was scared, they would try and 'help'. But Rachel already felt that they babied her too much, she just wanted to be treated as equal, that's why she didn't want to tell them. Spencer would probably very well ban her from going to work! She just didn't want the attention.

She would tell him, she would tell them all, but she had to start with a specific someone.

They arrived and were waiting to get on the plane when Hotch's phone rang. He moved away from the group to talk into it.

'So how did your appointment go?' Morgan asked Rachel.

'Oh, fine!' she lied, she couldn't tell them, not here not now. She looked at them, her best friends, and she had to lie to them. She hated it, they would know, in good time.

'That's good news!' JJ said in a light-hearted voice. Even though they weren't that close, Rachel had always preferred JJ to Prentiss. She'd mourned when Prentiss had died of course; they had still been... acquaintances, and colleagues. But never friends.

'Yeah.' Rachel laughed, trying to force some laughter into her voice, 'it was probably, you know, heat and pressure and stuff!' she laughed.

'Guys.' Hotch said seriously, re-joining them. 'The police station just got a call... From William. He sounded scared they think he's still abducted.'

'Of course,' Rachel breathed, it all made sense to her, the person who had come to the safe house wasn't about to do the massive mutilation and overkill, he had been ready to shoot her in the head and get it done with. 'There's someone else, he has a partner.' She shouted over her shoulder as she turned and began to sprint towards her bike. A headache beginning to probe at her brain.

They shouted after her, told her to wait but she ignored them. She had to add his name to her list, had to save him.

She sped to the police station, sirens and lights blazing. Her head pounding worse and worse by the second, it was happening again. She arrived within five minutes and went straight to the nearest police officer. They still had William on the phone.

'Garcia?' she said putting her phone to her ear after pressing Garcia's number on speed dial, 'track this number!' Garcia did it as quick as she could, then on the phone call with William, they heard a scream. Then the phone went dead. Garcia gave her the address and as she turned on her heel and made her way out to her bike, calling the rest of the team on her way and telling them to meet her at the address. Hotch told her to wait outside and wait for them. But she'd never had much time for instructions. Her headache was getting progressively worse and she knew that unless she calmed down, she was going to collapse again. But she couldn't, she had to save William.

She arrived. She'd secretly hoped that the rest of the team would beat her here, but she knew a little boy was inside that building and therefore she knew that she had to go in. She kicked in the door skilfully and drew her gun; she could hear sobs coming from a door that stood ajar. She heard a car pull up outside and almost instantaneous slamming of doors. She went through the door and found herself going down a flight of stairs to the basement.

There was a woman stood in the middle of the room, she was about thirty, had long dark hair and bright blue eyes. She was quite pretty. But she was snarling, and holding a knife to a little boy's throat. William.

Rachel made a gesture of putting her gun away. 'Just give me William, that's the little boy, and we'll all be ok!' Rachel said soothingly.

The woman shook her head slowly, the snarl still playing on her lips. Rachel couldn't think of what to do, the headache was clouding her mind...

Just then luckily, Hotch and Morgan came to her rescue. They came down, guns aimed right at the woman. Rachel raised an eyebrow at Morgan and he understood her signal immediately. He took incredibly careful aim and shot the woman in the shoulder. She cried out in pain and dropped the knife; William seized his opportunity and ran to Rachel's open arms. The woman screamed in rage and pulled a gun out of seemingly nowhere. Rachel was trying to usher William out, but he was scared stiff, he literally did not want to move. The barrel of the gun was aimed at Rachel and William, Morgan and Hotch were taking cover.

'Rachel, get William out of here!' she heard Hotch shouting, but it sounded as if he was shouting from far off.

_No, not again! _

She pleaded with her own head; she picked up William and started towards the stairs, the black splotches already beginning to impair her vision. She was gasping in pain, fighting the collapse, concentrating on moving her feet one in front of the other, clutching the boy tightly, keeping him safe. She was on the stairs, she tripped. Her knee cracked heavily against a step and she knew that she should feel a spasm of pain but there was nothing. She pushed William up the stairs to where JJ and Spencer were stood.

She felt the displacement of air above her head and knew a bullet had narrowly missed it; she could only see Spencer and JJ grabbing one of her arms each. Then her vision was gone altogether, and she felt as if she was falling, down and down, deeper and deeper, until she hit the bottom of the dark pit. Hitting her head, hard.

_Hotch watched as JJ and Reid pulled Rachel up, something was wrong. She was unwell and she shouldn't be working, but right now this crazy young woman needed his attention. He reminded himself that Rachel and William were safe now; he had to focus on bringing in the woman. She fired a couple of angry shots, randomly, but he and Morgan were in cover. She was crying, angry tears speeding down her cheeks. Hotch peeked around when he heard the cease of fire, he saw the look of defeat plain on her face, then, before anyone could do anything, she put the gun to her head, and pulled the trigger._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Jack**

Rachel walked up the path towards the house, she knew she couldn't stay long, she just needed to tell him something, and then she would leave. No emotions, not anything. She just had to let him know that she was dying. She only wanted him to know, for now.

She knocked on the door and a little boy answered it, Hotch's son, Jack.

'Hey Jack!' Rachel said enthusiastically.

'Hi Rachel!' he replied with just as much enthusiasm, he jumped up into her arms and she carried him inside, tickling him. He giggled which made her laugh. Seriously, she loved this kid so much. He was so cute! Plus he loved her, and it was always so easy to get along with kids that loved you.

'Who's there Jack?' she heard Hotch before she saw him; he came in from the next room and saw her. 'Oh,' he said.

'Hi.' She said _no emotions!_ She reminded herself.

'Hello Rachel, what are you doing here?' Hotch asked, coming over, Rachel shut the door gently behind her, Jack still clinging to her leg. She looked down at him and tears came to her eyes, she loved him so much… And soon she wasn't going to be here for him.

She gave Jack a watery smile and Hotch noticed her glassy eyes.

'Jack, why don't you go watch TV, Rachel will come in a bit?' Hotch said to him, and Rachel gently prised him from her leg and nudged him towards the TV. He ran and jumped onto the couch but didn't turn on the TV; instead he continued watching his dad and Rachel as they talked.

He watched as Rachel said something, it must have been sad because tears were coming out of her eyes now. His daddy looked shocked, they both looked a little bit scared; Rachel put her hands on her face and began shaking with tears. And so his daddy hugged her, still looking shocked and scared. Jack hadn't really heard much of the conversation, just a couple of snippets which didn't make a lot of sense, one part that he had heard and really didn't understand, he thought about what Rachel had said, it couldn't be true, she was indestructible Rachel! The girl who'd been there for him when mommy had died, but… no, he couldn't be hearing this, he surely couldn't have heard the two words which would mean something terrible.

'I'm dying.'


End file.
